It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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