dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
