Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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