I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
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