I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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