I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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