these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
