my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
