before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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