That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
