Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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