he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
