uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
