While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
