why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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