Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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