I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
