Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
