dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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