Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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