I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
