apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
