I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
The beer is more important than you right now.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
