Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
