my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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