I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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