So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
