No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
If I die, sorry about rent.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
