I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize