i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
