That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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