i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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