Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
