This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
