I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
