his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
