sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We are all done wearing pants today
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
