I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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