my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
