If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
