My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
