she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
