I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Randomize
