fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You made out with two different species that night
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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