I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I need to wash the frat house off of me
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
