I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
