She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
