just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Come see our sink grown plant.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
