the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
