I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
