new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
