So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
