I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize