So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
