Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
