Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
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