He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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